WORDS FOR THE SOUL
K&B Therapy, Inc.'s Blog
Love is NOT all you need
In the spirit of Valentines month, let’s do a blog on relationships. You ready? Alright let’s go.
When I first started dating my husband, he asked me question I won’t forget. He proceeded to ask, "what is love?"...and to be honest, I didn’t know how to answer it. Now that I’m thinking back to it. I’m not completely sure I gave him an answer.
Prior to my marriage, I’ve known love as a feeling. Then that feeling would fade away after a few months and the relationship seemed to take a turn, and not for the better.
Fast-forward, if he were to ask me what love is now: I would say that love is an action.
The definition of action is “doing something”. The truth is that relationships require effort and part of that effort is taking action to build love, mutual respect, trust, and safety. Especially when the relationship has passed that honeymoon phase that happens early on when you begin dating.
Enough of the lecture, let me give you some tips I give my clients in couple’s therapy to help them enhance their relationship. In fact, these are some things that I even try to implement in my own relationship. Since I don't believe love is all that a relationship needs. Here are some other things:
Respect: Mutual respect is important. There are going to be times when your partner gets on your nerves (probably many times) and I want you to remember that words are hurtful and can’t easily be taken back. One of the rules that we have with my husband is no cussing at each other. That is our boundary to protect each other and assure that even in frustrating moments, there is respect. What is something you can do today to show your partner and your relationship the respect it needs?
Appreciation: I always like to say that it’s about the little things. You don’t need to plan expensive vacations, buy them Gucci etc. (although you can) but it’s about showing them that you care, think about them, and appreciate them. The best way this can be done is by learning their love language and doing things that make them feel loved. Here is an activity you guys can do together to learn each other’s love language. Check out
Communication: Is key, when done correctly. Learning how to communicate and listen can be one of the most transforming things in your relationship. Quick tips on communication.
1. Focus on expressing your own needs and feelings
2. Take time to listen to your partner and try to understand their perspective
3. Take a break/pause if things are getting too heated, and then come back
4. Remember that it’s you and your partner, not you against your partner.
Trust: Trust can be broken in small moments over time. Like when you constantly say you will do something, and you don’t do it. So, keep in mind that trust is a foundation for partnership. I trust you and you trust me; it creates safety. The best way to make sure there is no rupture, is to be open and communicate about what’s going on. Now, can trust be regained? Yes, though it will take time and effort.
Lastly, your love does not have to be celebrated one day out of the year… so today I encourage you to go ahead and tell/show your partner your love for them.
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